Chapter 35
All My Boyfriends Live in The Same Place

All my boyfriends live in the same place!

 

In my Samsung Smart TV.

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First there was Tony Soprano, who even though he was fat, bald and a street guy, I fell in love with him. It was the power that he represented.  I always had a thing with Italians, starting off in high school with Lorenzo my teenage boyfriend. We would be together now, but unfortunately he is a staunch Republican.

 

Next was Don Draper, who for sure I was not his only girlfriend in TVLand, but I did not mind. I loved Don so much. When he had the affair with his neighbors wife, I was so happy, she was Jewish and had dark hair like me, that gave me a ray of hope. But I got so turned off because of his smoking and drinking. I had married that and did not want another man in my life, who had those really aggravating, selfish habits.  To this day I cannot be with anyone who smokes or drinks.

 

Of course it should be obvious who would be my next boyfriend, Jamie Lannister. I think Jaime had no idea I was cheating on him with his half brother Jon Snow. I gave them both up when I finally realized that George RR Martin was a sadistic pig. It was all too much blood and gore.

 

Oh course an honorable mention for George Clooney, who was not on a series but all over Europe in his Nespresso adds. Naturally, I bought a Nespresso machine, just to have a bit of George in my kitchen. The day he married Amal, I was depressed all day.nespresso

 

I was rescued from my depression by Tommy Shelby  of Peaky Blinders, an Irish heartthrob, who once again was a bad boy of Gypsy descent. He was great and the series is based on true events, that I had no idea about. So it was educational along with a lot of rough sex. I hate when my loves just disappear, without a goodbye when the shows end.

 

 

From Tommy I went to Captain Flint, who had a reputation throughout the West Indies as being the most brilliant, most feared of all the golden age pirates of 1715 . Captain Flint had a man bun, and it was one of his sexiest features.  Then I was actually a bit attracted to Captain Charles Vane, who was dressed just like a hippie from Ibiza.  He had a great deal of passion and the electricity between him and Elenore was hot. I began to check my sanity, in love with a pirate? Well he was better than some of the crooks I had fallen in love with in the real world.

 

When the series was over, I cried and ate ice cream.ice cream

 

Now I am totally overwhelmed with Jaime Frazer of the Outlanders. Even though he is about 40 years younger than me, it makes no difference. Our brains never age, just our bodies. When I see a young, handsome, muscle bound man, wearing a kilt in the most macho way possibly, my brain doesn’t see an age difference. Just presses the lust button, And It is official now that I have new Scottish girlfriends, that men who wear kilts, where no underwear. If that isn’t hot, I don’t know what is. Jaime is now the love of my life, my romance novel sex star, who is sensitive, sensual, and caring, in the year 1743. Happily there is a lot of lovemaking in the series, and it is really  soft porn at its best. The kind of soft porn women like, but of course the book was written by a woman, and she knows what women like, just as well as I know what women like in their shoe closet.

 

So what do I wear for shoes as I am constantly hooking up with one gorgeous hunk after another, my brand new sneaker Sparkle Park . I am hoping all the bling will make me more visible from their side of the screen….

Beverly Feldman original shoes

you can buy it here