Chapter 3
House for Sale / Shoes included

I am waiting for my own Pay Day.

I started this journey a year and half ago, after 31 years in paradise, I wanted a change. Its called down sizing, but it is really downsizing your wallet or upsizing your expenses of a 300 year old Spanish farm house. Anything can last, if you put enough money in it. Look at my Face.

I contacted Sotheby’s, their local agent, very nice gentlemen, father and son. And although when the son left the room and the father proceeded to tell me his entire life story, including having a rich Chinese mistress in NYC, leaving his family but then coming back. I thought it was…just too much information.

We signed a 6-month exclusive contract. After 3 months I tried to find my house on the Sotheby’s website, nonexistent. I called the agent on a Sunday, who told me he was at the beach with his family, which I thought was strange, as I would think Sunday is a real real-estate working day. I told him I could not find my listing on the Sotheby’s site. He told me I always go to the wrong site, and it was on his local website. I said that is not the reason I chose Sotheby’s, to be on a local site. I broke the contract as I felt I had been scammed. They use the name, but not their website? What is that about?

I then went onto the largest local agency in my town, Engels & Vogel, another franchise of a very well known German company. An overly preppy young man came to see the property, probably the son of the owner. He asked me 3 of the most stupid questions imaginable, I lost it, and that was the end of him. They wrote me back that they do not sell properties that do not have sea views. What they were saying, “ you are a bitch and we are not going to have anything to do with you”

Then I met 5 independent agents, as it seems every other person is a real estate agent or knows one. As the year flies by, I meet no less than 10 agents and not one client.

Then the Whale appears. A broker from Sweden. He tells me he has 150 agencies in Sweden, I tell him I have the most beautiful home in the entire province. I invite him over, and he loves it. Makes me feel he can just pick up the phone and sell it in 5 minutes. I will be packing up next week, even asks where am I going after he sells the house? I get a lawyer, a friend, who is also a criminal lawyer, just in case… we make a contract, as this broker is someone that is taller, fatter and more arrogant than me, and I know I cannot handle him, without some machismo behind me.

I cannot even tell you what happened next, but the local Rotary Club will remember it forever. As a courtesy to the Whale, I invited him to a charity luncheon. Seeing that Mr. Whale was getting a bit sloshed, and suggesting afterward, we should go to my home to discuss business, I immediately got a headache, and left with a taxi. Coincidently at my table, was a woman who had a friend who was a real estate agent, so of course I gave her my telephone number, to pass on to her friend.


Style IVY

The perfect Charity Luncheon Shoe

The next morning I received a text with the following news; “after a scandalous performance, The Whale was escorted out of the banquet by a team of waiters with his clothing semi-detached.”

The contract never got signed as I told him in an email that I never wanted to ever see or talk to him again, since he embarrassed me, and my friends to the point of no return. Not wanting to loose a possible sale though, I added all contact should be with my lawyer, the criminal one.

Right after the Rotary luncheon incident, I went to my dear friend, Pedro’s lavish wedding.


I meet his partner from Marbella, who just happens to be a real estate agent. I tell him that I have a lovely property, but am having a lot of trouble selling it. He says do I want to really sell it? “Yes” I say, “I really want to sell it”. “Really” he repeats. “Yes really” I say. “Well give me 15% and I will send it out to 500,000 prospective channels”, (other real-estate agents for sure.) I said it is a high priced property, isn’t the normal commission enough for you? Why wouldn’t you work hard for that? ( 3 years annual Spanish salary) Oye Veh!

I am a little gold fish in a kiddie pool of sharks.

In between I am told I need a website for the property, I have a website made. You all know websites are not made in a day.

The saga continues and it’s a good thing I have Beverly Feldman shoes to cary me through my lifes´s adventures. “When life is hard you need soft shoes”

I am told then told that I need an Instagram account for the house. I did that. I am liked by a real estate agent in Beverly Hills. My Beverly Feldman Shoe Instagram site. He must have known, with such beautiful shoes that I must have a wonderful house, and of course for sale. I connect with him. His first sentence is that “for sure he can sell the house, but needs an exclusive” My brother, lifetime Guru, says how can someone in California sell a house in Spain? I don’t know? How do you sell a house anyway? The agents here aren’t doing anything, and they are Spanish in Spain. Maybe it does take a handsome American with a beautiful Beverly Hills tan and a fast car? Of course Guru has been trying to sell his home for 9 years.

Maybe you know a real estate agent? Or are one? This is the property; I also do vacations, if you are a nice person.

So for the time being living in Paradise is not so bad.

P. S. California Guy wanted me to take all the furniture out and refurnish it with a more modern style. This only confirms my lifelong thinking that all people in California are crazy.