Chapter 35
All My Boyfriends Live in The Same Place

All my boyfriends live in the same place!


In my Samsung Smart TV.

First there was Tony Soprano, who even though he was fat, bald and a street guy, I fell in love with him. It was the power that he represented.  I always had a thing with Italians, starting off in high school with Lorenzo my teenage boyfriend. We would be together now, but unfortunately he is a staunch Republican.


Next was Don Draper, who for sure I was not his only girlfriend in TVLand, but I did not mind. I loved Don so much. When he had the affair with his neighbors wife, I was so happy, she was Jewish and had dark hair like me, that gave me a ray of hope. But I got so turned off because of his smoking and drinking. I had married that and did not want another man in my life, who had those really aggravating, selfish habits.  To this day I cannot be with anyone who smokes or drinks.


Of course it should be obvious who would be my next boyfriend, Jamie Lannister. I think Jaime had no idea I was cheating on him with his half brother Jon Snow. I gave them both up when I finally realized that George RR Martin was a sadistic pig. It was all too much blood and gore.


Oh course an honorable mention for George Clooney, who was not on a series but all over Europe in his Nespresso adds. Naturally, I bought a Nespresso machine, just to have a bit of George in my kitchen. The day he married Amal, I was depressed all day.nespresso


I was rescued from my depression by Tommy Shelby  of Peaky Blinders, an Irish heartthrob, who once again was a bad boy of Gypsy descent. He was great and the series is based on true events, that I had no idea about. So it was educational along with a lot of rough sex. I hate when my loves just disappear, without a goodbye when the shows end.



From Tommy I went to Captain Flint, who had a reputation throughout the West Indies as being the most brilliant, most feared of all the golden age pirates of 1715 . Captain Flint had a man bun, and it was one of his sexiest features.  Then I was actually a bit attracted to Captain Charles Vane, who was dressed just like a hippie from Ibiza.  He had a great deal of passion and the electricity between him and Elenore was hot. I began to check my sanity, in love with a pirate? Well he was better than some of the crooks I had fallen in love with in the real world.


When the series was over, I cried and ate ice cream


Now I am totally overwhelmed with Jaime Frazer of the Outlanders. Even though he is about 40 years younger than me, it makes no difference. Our brains never age, just our bodies. When I see a young, handsome, muscle bound man, wearing a kilt in the most macho way possibly, my brain doesn’t see an age difference. Just presses the lust button, And It is official now that I have new Scottish girlfriends, that men who wear kilts, where no underwear. If that isn’t hot, I don’t know what is. Jaime is now the love of my life, my romance novel sex star, who is sensitive, sensual, and caring, in the year 1743. Happily there is a lot of lovemaking in the series, and it is really  soft porn at its best. The kind of soft porn women like, but of course the book was written by a woman, and she knows what women like, just as well as I know what women like in their shoe closet.


So what do I wear for shoes as I am constantly hooking up with one gorgeous hunk after another, my brand new sneaker Sparkle Park . I am hoping all the bling will make me more visible from their side of the screen….

Beverly Feldman original shoes

you can buy it here