Chapter 15
I designed a walking shoe and returned to the gym.


I designed a walking shoe and returned to the gym. Amazing. I don’t know why I ever left? I know I was swimming and it was easier to walk out of my door and go 15 feet to my Olympic pool than get into the car and actually drive to the gym.

I learned to swim at 50, it took me 4 years to learn with David my trainer, I stopped when I realized I had now paid him more than I had paid my French surgeon for my face lift. After David was let go, Romero my brown poodle walked the length of the pool and watched me do the laps just as David had done every day.

THOSE PEOPLE, the smart people you meet are always saying that swimming is the best exercise possible. But is it? I don’t know, I find it F**king boring, and if you have streaked, colored or anything except natural hair color, watch out Baby. Swimming ruined my hair for years, and I never ever knew why it was falling out and breaking; nor my hairdressers or my doctors – only Dr. Google as I mentioned previously.

But getting back to the gym, I have gone this week for 5 days in a row. My old gym rat instincts are waking up. I smell the sweat, and hear the awful music. I first started the gym when I was 45, I know very late. I flunked President Kennedy’s physical fitness tests in high school, when we still wore those horrible blue bloomers. Maybe I would have liked gym class more if we did not have to wear those hideous playsuits. If gym class was a sexy fashion statement in stretch, maybe I would have tried harder.

Charles Hewitt via Getty Images
Charles Hewitt via Getty Images

I love the gym because it has the most people in one space that never talk to each other ever. I guess someone in the first physical fitness days, maybe the Roman Gladiators, said it is absolutely forbidden to talk while training, silence before killing your friend. This was passed on from there.

I recently read that there is an enormous amount of sex that happens in gyms. Really? They must text each other; silent sex, because no one is talking to anybody.

My sexual encounters always happened after the gym with someone from the gym and always a trainer. Why go with someone that was trying get a good body when there was someone that already had one. Like taking the hot bread out of the oven, instead of the cold dough out of the fridge.

But girls this was years ago, I retired from training trainers.

For sure I am oldest one there now, but I have been wearing my padded 38 D sweater bra, for support. I do not want to be invisible, as so many women my age feel they are. My signature lycra gym tops are all fuchsia, vintage of course with short sleeves, no use broadcasting the batwings with sleeveless.

The fabulous thing is my muscles have memory, actually much better than my brain, although I heard your brain is a muscle? Mine is for sure not a muscle, but a drug depository for serotonin and sleeping pills. I am convinced my brain is also multi colored, trimmed in leopard with a few loose rhinestones hiding between the folds.

My biceps and abdominals are having a miraculous comeback in just 5 days. I could become an annoying ad on your computer, that in just 5 days I have a new body. Or my old body came out of the locker room closet.

How many times do you have to do something before it becomes a habit? I think if you are normal its 20 times, if you are obsessed 5 times, because now I want to go every day. Now I am thinking I should get an apartment near the gym. Now I am thinking, why did I ever leave? This feels so great! Thank you Rock It, for bringing pleasure and muscles back into my life, “too much is not enough” Rock It comes in 4 colors, to match all your gym clothes, jeans, and anything else you want to wear while you are speed walking thru your life, with or without a trainer.